FarzynTheWeird

2011-12-19T23:06:00.000-08:00

Theres so many things I would want to change, but then again I'm here aren't I?

2011-10-20T00:19:00.000-07:00

As time goes by, life has a way of rearranging itself. People enter your life, and inevitably, they leave as well. Things have a tendency to happen that can turn your world upside down. You’ll come to realize eventually, that even though things are different, you are as well.
Life isn't about keeping score. It's not about how many people call you and it's not about who you've dated, are dating, or haven't dated at all. It isn't about who you've kissed, what sport you play, or which guy or girl likes you. It's not about your shoes or your hair or the color of your skin or where you live or go to school. In fact, it's not about grades, money, clothes, or colleges that accept you or not. Life isn't about if you have lots of friends, or if you are alone, and it's not about how accepted or unaccepted you are. Life just isn't about that. But life is about who you love and who you hurt. It's about how you feel about yourself. It's about trust, happiness, and compassion. Life is about avoiding jealousy, overcoming ignorance, and building confidence. It's about what you say and what you mean. It's about seeing people for who they are and not what they have. Most of all, it is about choosing to use your life to touch someone else's in a way that could never have been achieved otherwise. These choices are what life's about.
We can never turn back the pages of time, though we may wish to relive a happy moment, or say goodbye just one last time, we never can, because the sands of time continue to fall, and we can't turn the hourglass over.

2011-10-07T15:51:00.000-07:00

We meet so many people along the way, the important ones stay with us,sometimes.

2011-10-07T15:30:00.000-07:00

They say you meet new faces everyday. You meet people from all walks of life. Things you need to learn along the way about people is that we tend to trust easily and then the trust gets stabbed in the back due to self-fishness or something other than love. People are greedy, they want everything for themselves, they want to save their own skin, they want to be known or have a name for them self, they want, money, power and everything that has some kind of satisfaction of being better than others. I never understood why we were put on this earth for, we all have a purpose I know, but people are acting more and more undeserving to live and sometimes I think these people are living in their own set of clouds, above all where they think far too much of themselves. Where is the love? Where is the union? Where is that hint of feeling that you know that the world does not revolve around you. For those who neither forgive nor forget, I pity you. To those who have said things and made promises like empty shoe boxes in the dust, I pity you. For those who want everything to them self, and let greed take over your self-fish self, oh god how I pity you so so much. What do you have to prove to others that all of you are so consumed in this bullshit, this political movement. This idea of separation, this crap that no one wants to admit but hey everyone talks behind everyone's backs and they act all twinkly and happy among st each other. I don't believe in this bullshit, I don't want to smell it but yet these people who claim "they are the best" have proved nothing but hypocrisy. Therefore, I have done so much and effort has been made all the time, I have wasted and wondered it all, but that comes with no regrets because in this life we need to fall in order to stand firmly,we need to get hurt in order to learn and we need to know what kind of people exist on the face of this earth in order to survive. Forgetting the fact that we don't live forever, everyone continues this act and repulsiveness of humanity,this greed, this sorrow, this hypocrisy and no one ever stops to think, when you die there's only one thing that you are suppose to live by and that is not to forget Him. As He is the one who is the only one we should pray to all along and be thankful to. At the end of everything we return to Him and everyone is to blind to see that they're consumed in all the hate and greed around.

2011-09-13T14:12:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Marxie Hawkins. I love you so much sayang. I hope you will be happy today despite your difficulties in life that you're facing right now. You are a strong person ever since I knew you,I believe you can pull through this one baby. Well all seriousness aside, I really hope today will be enough for you to be happy, even though you planned to party for 21 days :)

I'm glad that I've known you all these years, I don't know what I'd do without you and even though things seem different, there's only one place for my M,bf. Have a great day ahead! Happy 21st birthday!!!

Young 21♥

2011-08-21T06:35:00.000-07:00

Hello Bestfriend, I know you are in a lot of pain and misery. I know it hurts so much, no one will understand. I have not lose anyone in my life that's close to me to death before, so i can't share with you how it is. I really wish I can. I really wish I can tell you how much you and Akyn should have been together and not have said bad things about him. I really wish I had the chance to have met him, before he just went away. I really wish that I could have told him that you liked him a lot and made fun of you with him. I really wish i could at least say one nice thing to him. I read your post earlier and it brought me to tears. I realize how much it hurts to lose someone close to you, and i almost felt that. I almost thought you were gone, I was crying at home when your dad told me you were in the operating room. Do you know how long you were in there? I thought I was going to lose you, I thought that anything could happen. I kept saying to myself:"Marxie, Please please be strong, I need you to fight this." I could not began to wonder what will happen next or how am I going to even think of feeling and inch of happiness if you were not going to be able to make it. My thoughts were so mashed up.

When i heard you were okay, I immediately rushed to SGH just to see you. I didn't care what were your injuries or what your mother would say, I just needed to see if you were okay. My heart stopped when I saw you in you room, sleeping peacefully. I couldn't ask for anything more that day. Now I am grateful to Allah that he saved you and the fact that you're alive with just a broken leg is amazing. How powerful and loving he is. I hope you see this as a blessing in disguise that he loves you. I hope you come out stronger after this, I know how it feels to break a leg, and it sucks. Trust me, you will be with yourself and understand yourself more and that point you will be stronger than ever, cause you know what you can do without others. I know you can overcome this baby, I have faith in you and I am sure Akyn does too. Don't give up on him and yourself, he will always be there with you, that's the special part. I love you bestfriend and I know you will conquer this obstacle with a burst of strength. Have faith.

2011-08-21T06:09:00.000-07:00

Even if, we lost our ways, even if, you and me lead different lives. We now have a relationship that is bound to stick. I don't ever want to lose you again. We keep losing each other, but there's always a time when our paths cross and we end up having a laugh and enjoying each others company. I want you to know, you will never be alone anymore. I am always here for you, even if we fight like crazy or scream our heads of. I have your back always girlfriend and I love you. please never forget that. I want us to always be happy, laughing,eating,drinking,dancing,shopping,looking at guys,having evil plans and standing for what we believe in most, Feminism. I have you know, and I'm so happy Qilah ♥

We'll be young forever,till forever stops.

2011-07-22T13:30:00.000-07:00

I have finally found you. I have found you and talked to you. Today is the day I feel that my void has been filled. For twenty years I've lived without knowing where you were, or how have you been. I am so happy that I get to hear you, talk to you and conversing with you, even though I can't seem to understand you much. I've missed you Baba, I will always love you no matter how long it has been. You will always be apart of me and i hope that i can get to know you now. ♥

2011-06-19T11:39:00.000-07:00

I don't have a father. Never had ever since i was one, so I am taking this time to wish my Mom who has been my father and mother through all these years. Mama, happy fathers day♥ I love you and i don't need a father cause i have you ♥♥♥

2011-06-19T03:58:00.000-07:00

Even if my life is not perfect and my freedom is cut or limited, I have people in my life that i cherish and love now. Yes the others come and go, but that's just part of this life, part of us growing up, learning one step at a time. It'd time to let go of the past a live in the present. I love my life even if i have restrictions, it just means i need to appreciate what i have and not take anything for granted ♥

2011-06-13T02:51:00.000-07:00

Sentosa ♥

2011-06-04T19:44:00.000-07:00

♥

2011-06-04T19:03:00.000-07:00

Isn't he lovely?

Everything is difficult in their own way, but it's how you see it, how you define it. Not everyone is who they appear to be.

2011-06-04T18:45:00.000-07:00

The Last Resort. Coming here on 11th June 2011. I hope i get to make it, really. I want to go badly. Things have been rapidly changing. You know what I've figured i didn't have real friends after all because real friends don't drop you when you fall, when you did something bad or mistakes or killed a cat. Real friends stick by you when you are down, fucked up and at your worst. I did that for most of them and yet, their backs were turned on me but hey but that's okay. I've seen everything in a different light now. I mean it's harder because i am on tag, but it teaches me a lot about discipline and family values. I have ignored my family a lot and being at home just connects me more you know? I am glad in a way, i don't feel like i am missing out because i don't do much when i am out. I mean we just sit around and drink, yes we spend time with each other but hey that's about it. Life should be more than that, it should include reality and not just sitting around in Cityhall. There should be bonding in more interesting and fun ways, that we grow from and learn form each other so that we could be a better wolf pack, a better family. We can't just simply do nothing. I mean there's so many i want to say but you know what? I'm just tired. Of all of it. Everything is just fake. People are like that i guess, even though they claim that we are a family, they promise you they would not do this or that and that we stand by eachother no matter right or wrong. It's never like that, and i had to learn it the hard way, but I've learned it good. It makes me feel more aware of everything now, and i am not just going to follow blindly next time. We need to have a vision for everything, equality and brotherhood. Skinheads need to stick together. In reality of where i am living, everything is a lie.

2011-06-04T18:24:00.000-07:00

I guess things always come around no matter how hard you want to avoid it,for me,for you. Simple it's karma and it works every fucking time. You've lost your pride, your sense of ability and control, your fake brotherhood and everything in between. Your work will never satisfy and it's not reality but temporary income. You don't have anything to look forward to, your dreams were shattered when you failed yet again. I am unsurprised by what had happened, and for the first time, i didn't give a goddamn fuck about it! You brought this and everything from what has happened on yourself, time and time again. So why don't you stop blaming others for once, i mean what do you have that is indistinguishable? The answer is nothing. You have done zilch. We are equals. Everyone of us, so stop acting like you are a higher power, trying to be right all the time when you don't walk the walk or talk the talk. You are nothing really, just a fucked up crazy person whose addicted to his only poison and that's how you cowardly escape,and when you do, you bring yourself trouble and in stupid fucked up situation that just ends in your face getting bruised or your head getting smashed. So what have you done? You never really fought back, you never really did anything so i am just sick of your self-praising and you thinking you're ahead of everyone when really? You're just one messed up kid, who didn't learn how to grow up. Your poison and your ego is all you have now, let's see which battle you lose next, or when you're gonna just humiliate yourself again and again. I'm so fucking glad i realised this because it;s worth it now. You are dust.

2011-05-22T11:46:00.000-07:00

I thought that this was solid
Stability and safety sitting in my hang

Just take a look at your life

You're all alone!

Who'll be there when I need someone?

Count on nobody and no one will let you down

I don't care, just let me go

I don't need this anymore

Love is not forever

Friendship is not forever

There is nothing set in stone

You're on your own

Dependence is followed by weakness

Don't be your own hostage

If I know so many

Why don't they know me?

They don't know me

Now I know what we're made of

Confusion, Complication, and Uncertainty

I thought this was real, I was wrong

So I don't know

2011-05-22T11:32:00.000-07:00

Things sometimes happens for a reason, we fall a lot because we need to get back up stronger. Probation has been very stressful for me and I am not ready for tomorrow as i get my tag. Theres so much that makes me angry at the world, I don't want to be in this suckfest. things happens so that other great thing will fall into place, maybe i have to go through with this and learn it the hard way. It's a change and new things will happen and new opportunities will arrive. We must be patient. I must be patient. 20 moths is a long time and it will not be easy.

2011-05-22T11:30:00.000-07:00

2011-04-28T06:40:00.000-07:00

Right under my feet there's air made of bricks
Pulls me down turns me weak for you
I find myself repeating like a broken tune
And I'm forever excusing your intentions
And I give in to my pretendings
Which forgive you each time
Without me knowing
They melt my heart to stone

And I hear your words that I made up
You say my name like there could be an us
I best tidy up my head I'm the only one in love
I'm the only one in love

Each and every time I turn around to leave
I feel my heart begin to burst and bleed
So desperately I try to link it with my head
But instead I fall back to my knees
As you tear your way right through me
I forgive you once again
Without me knowing
You've burnt my heart to stone

Adele - Someone Like You Lyrics On Screen

2011-04-25T05:15:00.000-07:00

2011-04-24T16:06:00.000-07:00

Things may fall apart and change at the very last minute, theres always a reason why it would turn out a certain way. Maybe certain things were meant to happen and certain things were not. It all depends on how we look at it. People make stupid mistakes all the time, why? Simple, nobody is perfect i guess. I am just trying to move past this and look at this the simple way, and i am in the wrong but there are things that's worth fighting for and some things are just not. We will never be stronger if we don't move forward.

2011-04-11T15:49:00.000-07:00

Cory Monteith is why i smile nowadays :)

I miss being able to say anything to you, or to debate with you. To joke around and just be friends. I miss that, and you can blame it all on me. I guess it's just a sacrifice i need to make. I'm sorry.

2011-04-08T15:30:00.000-07:00

2011-04-08T07:45:00.000-07:00

I've nothing left to love or to hold or to be happy and delighted about. Maybe i'm not strong enough, maybe i'm just blinded and i just hope for too much too soon. I end up hurting myself, not having anymore within me. I've given my best, i'd never wanted to wronged him but i guess it's never enough. Nothing ever is. All i've been through, everything in a whole is not how i expected my life to be in the end. I've always had big dreams, goals in life and wanted to do a lot with my life. Now i'm restricted, with no purpose or direction to lead towards to. Everyone else is happy and having a place where they want to be with their loved one. I don't think i even have a loved one. I know what they say, theres a good and bad to everything and god has a plan for us all, but i need some courage now. You don't shoot me down when i've already been shot, you don't kick me in the face when i've already been stepped on. I need to stand, and to this alone i have realised no matter who says what to you you just got to take it with a pinch of salt cause everyone is entitled to their own opinions and not their own facts. I can't think how everyone is thinking or feel how everyone is feeling, we take different steps, we feel different heartbeats we don't relate in anyway and that's the point. You can't rely on anyone but yourself. I know now that pain has erupt me from within and i have to deal with it, i just never thought you were this heartless when i have never wronged you. I've never done anything to deserve this so why? Why?

The answer is simple. A is a cunt.

2011-04-05T11:11:00.000-07:00

Tell me where it hurts, to hell with everybody else. All I care about is you and that’s the truth They don’t love me, yeah I can tell, but you do, so they can go to hell.

2011-04-05T10:47:00.000-07:00

Theres so many things that we can do. I know i have abandon this blog here cause i am sososososo busy with Tumblr but i'll continue to write important stuffs here aswell alright. I miss blogspot so much and now that i'm on probation i guess i'll be here a lot to talk abou life and its paradox future. I don't expect failure, but i need to gain something from this. I'm starting tomorrow, i'll meet zura up and we're going for a hunt. Hunting for our own lives. Hunting for a job and hopefully a career.

2010-11-14T11:10:00.000-08:00

I need cheesefries.

2010-11-14T11:06:00.000-08:00

if mother earth was your body,
and the inner core was your fury,
then the

lava that flows in the chamber below is your adrenaline.
in a single second

are a thousand thoughts.
but only one of them makes sense to you.
for so

long you've held it in.
everyday you're getting closer.
explode into the

air.
explode into the air.
are you alive?
are you livid?
yes are you

afraid, are you afraid of what you hold inside?
in a single second are a

thousand thoughts.
but only one of them makes sense to you.
for so long

you've held it in.
everyday you're getting closer.
explode into the

air.
explode into the air.
for so long you've held it in.
everyday

you're getting closer

2010-11-13T10:01:00.000-08:00

i gave it all to you.
everything i had and then you took my soul.
you took my soul away.
i gave it all to you.
everything i had and then you took my soul.
you took my soul away.
and i fight your fire with my fire,
and now you're trembling in your skin again.
and i fight your fire with my fire,
and now you're trembling in your skin.
in your skin.

2010-11-12T13:13:00.002-08:00

I'm very thirsty for my Absolut.

2010-11-12T13:13:00.001-08:00

Stop making me sad.

2010-11-12T13:11:00.000-08:00

Build me up, till those imaginary dreams go away, be safe. I will pray.

2010-11-09T10:29:00.002-08:00

I WANT!

2010-11-09T10:29:00.001-08:00

2010-11-09T10:24:00.000-08:00

Maybe it’s true what they say, there’s always that one person who you never really get over. No matter how many other better people you meet, people who treat you better and love you better, in the back of your mind there is always that person you can’t quite completely forget.

Coldplay-The Scientist (Acoustic)

2010-11-09T09:46:00.000-08:00

This song is playing in my head, over and over.

2010-11-05T02:41:00.000-07:00

Certain things must be changed, certain grounds must be leveled. There are many mistakes in one self, it takes one to know when, when one falls, two will pick up and stand together as a union. It does not have to be instant or perfect but finding ones true self takes time. Repair and be better that's what I'm going to next. On other matters, there are so many plans, yet so little time today, I'm not sure which will be my choice, i don't want to disappoint anyone.

2010-10-29T03:03:00.000-07:00

I love Halloween, every year was different. It was Halloween where something bad happened to me, and it was also one of my favourite holidays. I'm changing of what had happened 2 years ago, now it's going to be the Halloween that I've always enjoyed. Off to my party later. Trick or treats anyone?

2010-10-28T23:54:00.000-07:00

Do you remember the time when you and i were fine
hiding under the apple tree there was no one but you and me
we would hide from passing cars and we would have the summer stars

and we were better then then we'd ever been before
you came back to me after walking out my door
you would call me on the phone before you even got home
without me you said you were all alone

the cold wind that blows all the things i used to know
how could it play so fast never thought you'd be part of my past
would i trade it all again to get you out of my head?

2010-10-28T02:19:00.000-07:00

I think the only reason why everyone holds on to memories so tightly is because memories are the only things that don't change when everything and everyone else does.

2010-10-28T02:11:00.001-07:00

Those times were spent, we had fun and sadness. The salt on our wounds dried up, now that we aren't the same anymore, separation comes along. We always said we would not give in, we would stick through no matter what. Friends forever. That's the promise we made. I guess, everything can't be what it was. I miss you. It takes a whole lot to walk away, and i want you to stay, that's all too late now. Remember me when you're out there, cause you'll always be apart of me.

Your Own Disaster

2010-10-28T02:11:00.000-07:00

2010-10-23T23:29:00.000-07:00

I believe in Trad!

I need to cut my hair :(

2010-10-23T23:28:00.000-07:00

Hahahahaha. :)

2010-10-23T22:22:00.002-07:00

2010-10-23T22:22:00.001-07:00

Imy, :(

2010-10-23T22:21:00.000-07:00

The Nationhead-Gadis Skinhead

2010-10-23T21:40:00.000-07:00

really love you-the siblings

2010-10-23T21:35:00.000-07:00

2010-10-18T12:42:00.000-07:00

We have choices in life, we choose to be lazy yet criticize others for being a bum, we choose to binge drink then have no pity on those who are alcoholics. We preach about cheats, yet cheat ourselves, we gossip about liars, yet lie to others, we give advice but hate to take it, we higlight others problems yet don’t deal with our own. Humanity is just hypocrticial and one big contradiction. Where does it end? The answer is simple: it doesn’t.

2010-10-18T12:41:00.002-07:00

Life is unfair. You put someone first who puts you second. You study your ass off for a final only to get a B in the class when you deserved an A. You give 110% to someone in a relationship when they only give 40%. You’re there for your best friend at 3 a.m. when they need it the most & the next day they don’t pick up their phone. You give something your all & sometimes get little to nothing back. You care so much about someone who doesn’t care enough about you to say hi once in a while. You give someone your time & they give you "sorry, I’m busy". It seems like you’re giving everyone everything & they’re just walking away with it.

2010-10-18T12:41:00.001-07:00

"Why do we miss a person? It’s either because we realize that we never treasured the moments when they were always there and it left us wishing we could turn back time again. Or we were too happy with them, we enjoyed every single moment, that we became so used to the idea of having them around."

2010-10-15T07:31:00.000-07:00

It's time to brace yourselves. Put on your boots and braces and let's stomp down there. It will be more than just action, it will be victory.

I'm happy i have met you, you are the light somehow, that keeps me burning, you never give up and i have hope whenever you are around, it may be new but I'm eager to learn and move forward with this new found friendship. It's like being trapped in a dark tunnel, i don't know whether to turn right, left, forward, backward because i have lost my light, so i just sit there waiting and then theres this beam that comes along, i hope i don't lose it this time. :) For the time being, I'm happy when you are around.

2010-10-15T07:00:00.000-07:00

Do i like where am i? Not really. Life is harder than you think it will be. When i was young i always thought that i couldn't wait to grow up so that i can do everything that i wanted. It was a thought that made me determined to grow up. Now, I'm here, i wish i was young again, i wish i could do everything differently. Theres a lot to be learned, and I'm just not ready for my blank future. Come to think of it, I'm stepping on eggshells. I can't see the light. Will everything be alright? I can't seem to figure that out.

2010-09-28T19:17:00.000-07:00

Another year has passed and I'm alright
I lick the salt from my wounds and
run into the night
Well it's unknown
Why collusion goes on
It rapes
like betrayal
And I am rotting in the squalor of some

Do you remember
the rage?
I remember the hate
I remember that it rained for years
And
the blood had left a stain
hey!

You say I got karma to collect
I
dig my grave
And I'm here waiting for some kind of check
And if I get
one, I'll hold my breath
I rack my spine
It takes a year for you to
warrant a test
As the years go by I won't cry
It's the year you walked
into my life
I will despise

We are the revenants

2010-09-19T10:26:00.000-07:00

Here I've been going over reasons
And you keep looking over my
shoulder
Hold me now to these promises I haven't made
Time will tell just
how much you'll act on what
You've said

Either way, my mind's been
made up for me
Either way, it's wearing me thin because
Even when,
resisting instinctively
Even then, I find myself broken and I'm
kneeling
Defeated

I've been exhausted for too long
Wide open, so
listen
When you keep charging
This blood has a beat that's running, it's
running out
My blood has a beat that's running, it's running out
Our blood
has a beat that's running out

Either way, we're treating this
carelessly
Either way, it's wearing me thin because
Even when, resisting
instinctively
Even then, I find myself broken and I'm
kneeling
Defeated

2010-09-19T10:24:00.000-07:00

So the sun has been going down earlier
But my days just keep getting
longer
Through the noise, hanging for inspiration
My eyes getting wider
but still

None of my questions have answers yet
But I'm not deterred
from asking them
I'll celebrate unaccompanied
Discouraged or not

2010-09-15T04:03:00.000-07:00

There are things that happened that are beyond my control, and i don't want them to repeat. After being in a rut for all those years back then, wasting my life away, i finally thought i could get a grip on myself and not fall again and just be me and live my live without love because to me it always fucks you up. It was all going fine and i was thrilled to have met a lot of great people along the way, building myself up slowly and i was free from that misery. It took me a lot, and here i am again back at square fucking one. I don't want this, I've already done this and went through it, i don't want it anymore cause in the end it's going to hurt and ruin everything good about my life. So why do i keep falling? Why couldn't i just live my life without any of it? Or why can't i just be happy for once? I'm sick of the nightmares, I'm sick of the hurt, I'm sick of being treated like fuck, I'm sick of always trying but in the end no one gives a shit, I'm sick for always having to put on a smile and being there for everyone but in the end I'm alone. I'm sick of these feelings. Why can't i just be like everybody else, and find someone who can be with me, as a best friend and as someone i can share my dreams with, lame jokes with, crazy ideas with, someone to hold and kiss goodnight, someone that will smile with me and that i can do the same, someone who understands but yet at times protective but yet knows whats best for me,someone who thinks insanity just lies within you, someone who talks to me about all aspects of life and we learn from each other every time we argue or just a simple debate, someone who gets on my nerves but at the same time i want to hug them badly and not let them leave, someone who does not judge me and we share and instinct and even if we are different we are somewhat alike. It's too hard isn't it? Even if i can't find this someone, than just let me be with myself. I want to live life, not to be in this rut that I've been through. Yet, these feelings are there and all i can do is pretend to be strong, pretend that I'm okay and i can handle certain things, pretend that actually sometimes i just can't stand the things being thrown at me. I hate pretending, i hate everything now. I'm no where near that but soon i will be. I can't constantly live my life like this, there must be a hole somewhere, or an explanation to all this. I'm sorry. I can't help myself for being this way, but I've been making damn sure i don't fall as hard as i did last time. If only things were different and the situation was simple and you were simple and everything was a puzzle piece and all we needed to do was to find the pieces in us and in the process we build the puzzle piece by piece and everything was a fit. Yeah right. Back to reality, I'm stuck again and i hope this time I'll break out of it soon. It's too complicated and crazy, and i just cant let myself be what i was before, i need to move forward. As hard as it seems, I'm going to try because it will never happen the way i dreamt it to be. Never. Dreams are just wishes and they don't come true, in my case never. I won't quit though, I'll give it my all now and if fail, than so be it. It's life, and i can't tell my self what to feel and what not to.

Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was beyond my control.

2010-09-14T05:18:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday M♥

I love you more and more everyday bestfriend.

2010-09-08T20:43:00.000-07:00

He is so yummy.

Hari Raya is tomorrow and theres a lo to do, but i just don't feel it.

This year the spirit is just low and it doesn't feel right. Maybe i need to get over it and just face it. Say what i need to say even if it turns out so fucked up.

2010-09-03T18:19:00.000-07:00

"To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven’t lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven’t tried, you haven’t lived."

I shall say something before you go.

2010-08-31T14:58:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday dear Aiman :) Henderson Wave♥

2010-08-29T12:20:00.000-07:00

Theres a lot of ways to deal with things and situations. You can't always rest on your morals. Keep an open mind and explore yourself try something new, because maybe it's hard for me always climbing up to your ladder and you could not care less about mine. I will always keep this in me, till I'm brave enough theres nothing i can say now.

We meet different kinds of people, but many have their minds corrupted. Stop trying to brainwash us because your plans can never get started. So tell me who else can we trust? They greed for status till their plans get rust. They have thousand ways to make us fall, we have million ways to stand up tall.

2010-08-26T06:43:00.000-07:00

Taking your time trying to find your way, no knowledge that you've been led astray. Theyre holding you down with claws of love. Keep you from saying what you're thinking of. What have you done? Your life isn't for you anymore. Where have you gone? Your old self is easy to ignore. You surrendered. Just follow the path they've laid out. You pretend to be happy. I want you back so I'll point out: This is not about our future, it's about what we do now. Nothing is more real than life, and you have the right to be yourself in the crowd. I will miss you. I'm not good enough for you. No spring in your step. Your shining fire has been put out. Sealed yourself in. Nothing can affect your thick skin. I can't get through to you, and now you'll never learn anything new. You look around, creativity dead. You're missing out on the blued and red. Youre fucking blind! your brain has been immersed in whitewash.

2010-08-25T11:34:00.000-07:00

Let's create our own world, Made of trust, simple and honest, I'll sing a song you've never ever heard. No one else can hear.

2010-08-24T05:39:00.000-07:00

Everything is just an illusion at the moment. I want to wake up a say something, i want to be able to breathe. I want to say things that i don't dare. Will that ever come true, before you go to the unknown please know something.

2010-08-23T12:14:00.000-07:00

I want a swallow tattoo done please, just like these but with colours.

2010-08-22T08:15:00.000-07:00

Not everybody grows up the same, some have to deal with oppression and rage. When now you know you've got no way out, you find a way to deal with the pain. It started as a casual fling, I'd take a drink and everything would seem alright. But now I know I've got no way out 'cause this addiction is with me for life. I used to drink form the bottle, but now the bottle seems to drink from me.

2010-08-22T08:09:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, you just can’t tell anybody how you really feel. Not because you don’t know why, not because you don’t know your purpose, not because you can’t trust them; but because you can’t find the right words to make them understand.

2010-08-21T11:01:00.000-07:00

2010-08-19T01:17:00.000-07:00

Jom buka puase, im so hungry now. :(

2010-08-18T10:45:00.000-07:00

perfect in others eyes
if they'd only known more
like what went on behind his closed doors
he hid it well by trying to act so cute
scared for herself she had to remain mute
with his short temper he was always ready to snap
with no conscience he'd set up his trap
she always kept quiet-scared of what he might do
he made her sick, left her black and blue

she tried to leave but she was scared of his threats
he was relentless and he never had any regrets
he'd push her around and then laugh in her face
held her at knifpoint to show her his place
wheres that sweet boy
she had met years before?
she didn't understand as he knocked her to the floor
she picked herself up and left him behind
all he has left
is his warped and twisted mind

2010-08-16T22:54:00.000-07:00

This hurts. I want to stop.

Stop me.

Do something.

Why must i wait.

I'm done waiting.

It hurts too much it consumes me, and you have no idea how much you mean.

I'm sorry if i ever had anything to with you anymore.

All i did was try. It's my fault. Always has been.

Cause you didn't have it in you to blame anybody else even yourself.

2010-08-15T09:09:00.000-07:00

If there is a difference, don't be there. If there is a separation stay out. Don't implicate others to do as you want to. Don't fight without your fists, don't come from the back and be a coward, don't ruin something that was meant to be of enjoyment and don't disrespect others space. It's a claim, but I've had it and why can't girls fight for something i believe in. If somethings not right I'm there, I'm not just a skingirl who plays dress up during the weekends.

2010-08-13T11:05:00.000-07:00

I've learnt that you can't help who you fall for, and no matter how hard you try and how much it hurts you, everyday you just want to be with them or just talk to them and you can never stop trying to make them happy because that's what keeps you going.

2010-08-12T00:02:00.000-07:00

I wasn't supposed to love you,
you are just my friend.
So why do I have these feelings,
I just want them to end.

You do not feel the same way,
I know this for a fact.
But what am I supposed to do,
when these feelings keep coming back.

They do not go away,
no matter how hard I try.
But I simply cannot tell you,
I would rather break down and cry.

So I am stuck with this pointless crush,
this is so unfair.
But I am not able to tell you,
because your reaction I cannot bear.

No one knows how I feel for you,
and I hope to keep it that way.
Because I think if you found out,
you would just turn and walk away.

2010-08-11T14:10:00.000-07:00

Sympathy constitutes friendship; but in love there is a sort of antipathy, or opposing passion. Each strives to be the other, and both together make up one whole

2010-08-10T23:02:00.000-07:00

Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
William Shakespeare
Macbeth, 5. 5.

2010-08-10T22:34:00.000-07:00

Words are very unreliable at a lot of times. If those words meant a thing will it convince you? Will you run and not come back. I can barely breathe when you're next to me, so if you are gone whats there to see? I'm so confused with those words, it acts like a game playing in my mind, meddling with my head every time those words come out from your mouth. Distraction is all i need, and to be in here closed in i could not find a specific reason for you to stay. My words confuse you as your understanding holds an unfamiliar ground and the message received is the opposite of what i was trying to say and mean by my action. Your difference makes me want more and more and i think i have fallen into deep with everything. I've lost sense of control and i can't do this yet again. My heart believes your words and it plays with it but i can't risk myself anymore. Though I'm already risking too much. Can these words grant me the courage to tell you things you don't feel or am i being delusional. I can't take it in anymore. So the question lies, how well will you handle it or how does this turn out to be. I hope you are safe and i know that it's not the same. Hold on a little more because life is always a bitch.

2010-08-06T23:48:00.000-07:00

Had fun at the skingirl photo shoot. Mimi's video of the making was awesome.

I'm not working anymore, i need a job. :(

Things are thought up lately as everything went chaotic.

Alcohol and anger is very dangerous. I tried and gave as much as i could but he thinks that I'm trying to rule him when i just didn't want him to get caught. It's unfair when his words were more than just anger. What was my wrong doing? Using what i confided in him against me is clearly unfair and i never thought words could hurt, but he went overboard with it and crossed the line. He knew it was part of me, yet he used it against me to hurt me on purpose. After everything, i deserve to end my life? No. Fuck no, you're more delusional than i thought. I may be sensitive but i ain't dumb. I'm a skingirl and I'm going to fight. So stop, and take a good look at yourself. You ruining your own life and taking everything for granted. Thanks for the abuse.

2010-07-22T11:29:00.000-07:00

Hooligals we are, and rebels we were, cause when we unite we have no fear.

2010-07-22T11:20:00.000-07:00

happy.

with you and me.

i believe in us. i believe in what we believe in. i want you all to see that we are going to make a change. for skingirls should be heard and treated not in that way.

In the individualist perspective, the individual is a basic unit of society; our social roles should not be defined by our gender.

2010-07-15T05:00:00.000-07:00

We will have our say.

2010-07-06T04:29:00.000-07:00

You've got a porblem, I'm so sick of you,Your always tellin' me what to do,I'm not perfect, i know my flaws,But your not going to be the one to lay down my laws,Just because we don't see eye to eye,That dosen't mean i'll take your fuckin' lies[Chorus]One sided societyDon't believe in the same thing your left out you see One sided societyPoint a finger at your self before you piont it at meBefore you accuse me take a look at your selfYou've got the problem here not anyone elseI don't need them and i don't need youSo what the fuck are you trying to prove

[Chorus]We can't play this and we can't play thatYour the fucking biggot as a matter of factI don't give a fuck if we can't play your showsTry explainning yourself you never come to us i know

2010-07-06T04:08:00.000-07:00

The queen of these filthy streets, always knows what to doAs fast as she can blink the eye, she's gonna scare the hell out ofyou She's my sweet little rebel queen, she's the girl next door Shelooks really hot in her tight blue jeans, she's the girl I've beenlooking She's the most beautiful pearl, she's my skinhead girlCan't even keep my eyes off her, she's my skinhead girl Everybodylooks after her, she's my skinhead girl All the others are just thesame, but my babe they can never tameShe don't care what the others do, don't care what they say She's thevagabond of these streets, that's the way she lives today No one cantwist her mind, she just wanna make love with her life When she comethrough the night I know, she's the girl I've been waiting for

2010-07-02T00:52:00.000-07:00

The time comes when i wonder if I've achieved it. It doesn't matter if you aren't completely honest with me with what you feel or think. I'm at a sky high place at my very favourite moment in life. I'm with the girls and we are sticking it through. We will make it girls ♥
Lets take it slow and take in everything together, with hands held high and boots on our feet, we will survive! Oi!

2010-06-08T04:35:00.000-07:00

If the girls want to stand? If the girls believe in it? If the girls have a say? If the girls want to make a change? If the girls want to make it happen?
And so we shall.

2010-06-03T04:56:00.000-07:00

I know hes not the kind, the kind that settles down
And I know he finds it hard to keep his feet on the ground
He goes drinking every night down the pub with all his mates
Getting into fights staying out till late
But when he comes home rolling drunk
Dot get the 'ump, just remember
Even though guys need someone some times [4x]
He dont where Armani suits or shirts pressed nice and clean
He wears doc martens boots and dirty Levi jeans
Your friends all think hes gross and your parents hate his guts
And once he gave you a dose but the tablets cleared it up
They all say hes no good, but hes misunderstood, and remember

Even though guys need someone some times [4x]

He drives his car to fast he don't remember what you said
His promises don't last and hes lousy in bed
And when you're at a party and hes puking in the bin
And you're try to remember what you ever saw in him
So don't go into one, hes only having fun, and remember

Even though guys need someone some times
Even though guys need someone some times
Even though guys need someone some times
Even though guys need someone some times

2010-06-02T06:22:00.000-07:00

Don't leaaaaaaaave.
Happy :)

2010-05-21T05:00:00.000-07:00

And i wish you were here with me too :)

Can we pretend that airplanes
In the night sky
Are like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now.

2010-05-20T06:22:00.000-07:00

They're pointing at you behind your back, they're calling you names
But you always know what they do, the aggression that grows
When you're alone they try to attack, one day you explode
It's gone too far, you're full of hate, can't take it anymore

hang 'em high ...
hang 'em high - hang 'em high!

Now it's time for their punishment, you'll get them one by one
So you can see the fear in their eyes, they're praying to be reprieved
Show no mercy, hang 'em high, remember what they've done
Get the cowards, get 'em all, it's their time to run

hang 'em high, hang 'em high - Let the cowards hang high!

2010-05-20T06:07:00.000-07:00

Cravings.
I want lasagna.

:(

2010-05-20T05:19:00.000-07:00

I never think of the future - it comes soon enough.
If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith.
If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor.
Imagination is more important than knowledge...
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

2010-05-20T04:52:00.000-07:00

A moment in time i was searching for the answers of what has become of my life and those around who juged me so self-fishily. I drowned and the thoughts that come by, these people have no control over me. Their lack of judgement amused me. I wondered if jealously got them at their worst or was there no point of just saying a whole lot of bull crap. It dosen't really matter though, i am living in full spirits with myself. As a new skingirl let me highlight that for those who think i am trying to be something that i am not, i am learning every step i take. I feel grateful with the friends/mates i have and for those who shared a lot to me about the culture.
I am happy to learn and am learning slowly. I am proud of who i am now, no matter what mistakes i have done, i believe mistakes are for us to learn from and be better at. At this point none of these judgments and shitty words can ever bring me down. It's all in the heart and mind and i am at a good place so i don't really mind the stupid little tragedies that come ahead. It's part of life and how you grow. These assholes are just obstacles and they don't even know any better. If i haven't done anything for the society of skinheads what have you done? Does it really matter that you have to prove and do something to gain a certain stand? I think it's bullshit if you ask me. If there is a stand, take it, you need not do something to get it. Take a stand and believe in it. Fight for it. Young or old we are all growing from what we are, making mistakes no matter how smart we are. Everyone is foolish in their own ways. People will always be people. Nothing will ever change that, politics is everywhere, no matter who you are or where you work at. I pity the old that act as if a child would. How sad.

2010-05-14T05:59:00.000-07:00

I am at work. I can only log in here. Bored or what? :(
Going K.L in 9 hours time.
I am excited and i am sick with flu and cough. :(
I don't like being sick.
I can't wait to shop and drop! I'll miss all of you ♥
Have fun and be safe guys, text me if there's anything.
Kenny Rogers here i comeeee!

2010-05-13T11:39:00.000-07:00

If things don't go your way? Do you let obsession get the best of you? So what if you think everything should be okay when finally you're the hypocrite? Words are so much when the actions are proof bitch. Don't pretend as if it's all normal when in majority's eyes it is sick. If theres nothing up your sleeve prove yourself, cause i am done with your stupid act of charade and i do not wish to take part in all of your nonsensical bullshit. If you people hate me? Deal me. Don't fucking pretend to be no one. It doesn't fucking matter who you are, what have you done or anything else, if you want it that badly, come here and get me. Stop playing catch cause honestly, i CAN'T run. Duh -.-

2010-05-10T10:56:00.000-07:00

Concludes what i have to say and what you people think. = Nothing.

I don't believe in those who say about those who they don't see. It's either you have too much time, or you just can't stand yourself and seeing others living :)

In my case people can say whatever they want, i love my friends and i don't need much. It's okay to be jealous but i don't really care. Forever still standing because this is my life, not yours or others. If it does matter what i say, then know this, i am never at the losing end because i know much better and i don't act like your childish selves. It's very much appreciated that i am looking forward to what will happen but i simply dismiss any kind of stupid situation that has no link to anything. Only stupid people do that, and i am not. Know better about yourself before stepping on a non-existent platform. You're just kidding yourselves.
At the end of the day, nothing is gained but you're stupidity.

2010-05-06T12:32:00.000-07:00

Oi! Where are you prince?

I am smiling if you're still standing :)

You're all i see, sink into me, sharpen your teeth, sink into me.

2010-05-06T11:07:00.000-07:00

It doesn't matter what they say, it doesn't matter what they think. Are they the ones who went through the thick and thin? Are they the ones who knew what i was going through? Do they know how much you changed me and woke me up? You are something to me, so let them be. They see the surface, they don't see the underground. They can never understand us. So stop judging cause i don't want it. Say what you want, I'm not going to litsen. Ily, M. Nothing is going to change this simple fact. :)

2010-05-04T11:40:00.000-07:00

These are MY friends, so i suggest you fuck off :)

Be my, be my, be my rock and roll queen.